The No-Cheese-Stick-No-Goat-Flatbread-125-Mile-Two-Flat-What-Am-I-Doing-Here-SB2-Birthday-Ride

Woke up. Rear tire was flat. Changed it quickly but the good floor pump was in the car. Arrived on the verge of late. Snap decisions –Reflectorized vest and ankle straps, purple vest… Don’t need the other jacket, it’s not going to rain. Pumped tire, checked food stash. Rode to the Safeway meeting spot. Five minutes to spare! Made a pit stop, grabbed a banana and got my start receipt. Phew!

The low, dense fog was not a warm welcoming blanket. I realized that maybe I should have brought my jacket sleeves; descending Lucas Valley was going to be c-c-c-c-old. I consoled myself with the idea that the sun would break through and it would be a great day.

We took off. I knew I was riding with a fast field. Good mudders, they were. The gates opened and the pack sorted itself. I drew an outside slot and was several lengths behind the leaders by the first turn. Then the climb up Lucas Valley began in earnest; while I could see their blinking tails for a bit, it wasn’t long before the field stretched out. My compadres waited for me at the Rocks. Descending, it was still darkish. Lucas Valley Road is often damp in the summer with some slick shady corners. Although I anticipated wet roads, I was surprised to find it drier than summer conditions with a few trickles crossing the road.

At Nicasio, the reservoir - nearly dry for months - was at last replenished. It shimmered silver in the mist. We got our first taste of the greens we’d see all day; the happy cows hungrily grazing the tender shoots. Next, the long side of Cheese Factory Hill, and the second of many climbs. While I could keep up on the flats, mostly, the climbs were going to break up our group of five all day, with mostly a 4 – 1 result. I inwardly hoped they wouldn’t lose patience with me. The sun shone briefly and we soaked up the warmth of the few rays squeaking through.

photo by Eric Senter @2014

Hicks Valley Road led us to Marshall Petaluma Road – a winding and scenic drawl through Marin countryside, leading up to the Marshall Wall. As we approached the climb, a flock of pheasants trickled across the road making gentle clucks and landing in field below the road. Skies were brighter, but not yet blue. The climb warmed me some, but I was still glad for my knickers and arm warmers. Looking ahead at the group, I saw their fluorescent-pastel jackets muted by the fog. Scott in blue, Sarah in coral, Ann in orange, Eric in yellow, and me in purple. We were a basket of Easter eggs climbing silly two-wheeled machines up a steep hill, allegedly because it was fun. Crows cackled overhead, mocking our foolhardiness. Crowing, really. I reached the others as they made good use of the stop time to grab a quick bite.

Tomales Bay

Descending the west side of the Marshall Wall is always a treat. Lots of straightaways mixed with some fun turns, a few rises for natural braking and then the last plummet to Highway 1. Right after the turn onto Highway 1, we have a short climb which is always an insult – It’s short, but steep enough to get your attention. As we descended the north side, BANG! Scott’s front tire blew off the rim and down he went. Fortunately, he had a soft landing and a few scratches, popped a tube in and off we went. And rode north to Tomales. And past the bakery. (gasp!) Wait. What? We are riding PAST the bakery? This ride has just become a dirge. No bakery?

photo by Scott Brown @2014

I don't think I've ever ridden up 1 past Tomales-Petaluma road, not stopped at the wonderful Tomales Bakery and just continued up the hill towards Valley Ford. Mentally I had prepared - Sarah had an agenda - something about finishing by midnight - and rode on we did. Although I was feeling the miles without a true break, my legs felt pretty good on that steep little bump.  I'm usually trying to digest a nice buttery cheese twist while climbing. Over the second rise, ahead on the left, cows were purposefully moving towards the road and fence. Black and white bovines began to trot and were picking up speed. Making whipped cream? The ladies broke into a sprint towards the fence. As I got there, I saw. Across the road, the horses had just been fed hay. The cows saw The Man With The Hay and thought it was for them, forgetting about the fence and the road. As much as cows can, they looked displeased and lowed in protest.

photo by Eric Senter @2014

next to the Valley Ford Market

Valley Ford Market offered us warmth, hot coffee and cocoa and sandwiches. And Alvin & The Chipmunks doing Christmas Carols. I said to Ann, “If I lose the Little Drummer Boy game on an Alvin & The Chipmunks version, I think I will shoot myself.” We held our breath as each new song came on. Made it out alive.

On the road again. Last report showed Valley Ford Freestone Road was closed due to flooding. It was dry as we passed through except for some water running across at the top of the rise. We made the left onto Bohemian Highway towards Occidental and the next two climbs. And passed by the Wild Flour Bakery. Okay, this is Sarah’s Weightloss Plan No Bakery Ride today. Up to Occidental. I said to Sarah, “I guess we won’t be stopping for a Winter Warmer at Barley and Hops, either.” Left onto Coleman Valley, past Barley and Hops.

Coleman Valley is a gorgeous road – as in you climb up to the lip of a gorge, drop down into the gorge, and then get to climb back out of the gorge. The flat spot at the bottom gives the legs a chance to rest and the scenery is, um, scenic. Now we were in Sonoma County which meant poor road surfaces. Much of the road was shaded; the recent rains sent small branches, debris and leaves to the road. Picking our way up the climb became a welcome distraction to the 25% grades we were negotiating (too frequently); maintaining traction while pulling myself up the hill was a challenge. I thought to myself, “I’m not sure if it’s good that I know I can stay upright at 2mph on a bicycle.” 

Scott Brown climbs Coleman Valley - photo by Eric Senter @2014

The last nasty pitch I was talking myself up. “This is gonna suck, but you can do this. You’ve done it twice before. It sucks, but you can do it.” About the time I thought my heart would pop, the 28% “leveled” to a reasonable 11%, then a tiny downhill through some trees and finally some rollers. The road broke out into the open. At last, the rendezvous point at the Info control where the speedy kids were waiting. My quads were quivering. I stretched. 

photo by Scott Brown @2014

We did our paperwork and departed. Eric needed to replace a battery. He said he'd catch us; we agreed to wait at the foot of Coleman Valley Road at Highway 1. He's a strong rider. So the four of us took off - Sarah and I in the front and Ann and Scott a little behind. We encountered a small lake (at the top of a very large hill, yes) that we coasted/pedaled through. And then the first cattle grate. I was a little nervous; wet tires + cattle grate = broken elbow. Made it through fine. Sarah and I tootled along at a good clip, passing a Highway Patrol Officer parked on one side, a PG&E worker on the other side. We gaped at the view. I've written about it before, but the top of Coleman Valley Road is a very special place. Maybe because you feel like you're gonna die getting there. But 360 views - we could see the amazing and powerful flood plume of the Russian River pushing mud far out into the Ocean. Luscious green undulations to the East, Ocean to the West. It's why we live here.

As we descended, a team of cyclists was coming up the "hard way." I held my steel bianchi in check down that monster wall, only to let it go towards the flats. So much energy was held back that the Little Bianchini charged ahead nearly out of my control. I reined her in, the frisky filly. Not without a tad of adrenaline. Sarah and I waited at the foot of Coleman. Scott arrived next and Ann shortly after. And then we kept looking up the road. And checking out the ocean view. And looking up the road. What if. Do you think? Who's going to? Then a woman popped her head out of her car window. "Eric's ok. He had a flat. We offered to give him a ride down, but he said, 'No! I won't get credit if I do!'" We laughed and thanked her and settled in for a little wait. It was chilly, though. We walked to the cliffs. Then we dug the mud out of our cleats. Chatted some more. Finally, Scott said, "What if he had another flat and he doesn't have a tube or something? I'll ride back up and see if he needs anything." We sent him with provisions (a tube anyway, it wasn't  Donner Pass after all) and he bravely rode back up Coleman Valley towards the Wall. Twenty seconds later, he reappeared with Eric in tow. Bullet dodged, boyscout points logged. 

Once on the road, I realized I was quite chilled and called for a stop in Bodega instead of waiting for Valley Ford for a water stop. Coffee warmed and energized and off we went again down Highway 1. 

Out of Bodega, Highway 1 is a long gradual climb for quite a ways before it turns to rollers. Some times of year there's a nice tailwind to accompany it, but we were happy to not have a head wind. We were tight together at this point, trudging along on a mild grade. Even I felt like I could keep up. A car passed us. A straw hit my face. Cold. Chocolate. Ice. Someone had thrown the remains of a chocolate milkshake at us. Yes. Really. I caught most of it. We decided to have a Rorschach moment later. Having stopped in Bodega, we bypassed Valley Ford and headed up 1 again. Ann dropped her chain; Scott waited with her. I knew I needed to keep riding, being the slowest of the group.

But at the top of the hill, I stopped anyway. Took a picture. The greens were calling to me all day. Brighter than emerald. Shamrock, someone said. Yes. The color of the grass at Tinturn Abbey in September. My tiny phone lens didn't capture it.

My legs were pretty toasted at this point. Fat girl on a heavy bike. GREAT for downhills. SUCKS for uphills. Flats were fine once I got the freightrain moving. We headed back towards Petaluma. Once Coleman Valley Road was out of my way, I was free to have anxiety about the next climb, which was Red Hill out of Petaluma. Technically, Petaluma - Point Reyes Road, but sheesh. On a bike who has time to say all that? So another shorthand, along with Wilson Hill, Marshall Wall, etc, is Red Hill, which precedes Cheese Factory Hill. I mean, duh! So this beast. Red Hill. Done it a few times. Once feeling pretty good. Once feeling pretty bad. Today, going into Petaluma at a snail's pace and feeling pathetic... Looming. Looming. Insurmountable. Who can I call. Then I ate. Had more coffee! (Coffee! did someone say coffee?). We mounted our steeds. Left the parking lot. Oh, wait! I forgot to turn on my helmet light. Crap! I don't have my reflector vest on! The party of four moves up D, unawares. I fumbled, hurried, got the jobs done. As I approached the first bump, I saw that one of the blinking lights ahead of me wasn't moving. Waiting. Eric. Thanking him, I explained what happened and we chatted for a bit about how we got into the crazy sport of randonneuring. He pulled ahead. I caught up to Ann on the descent; her lights didn't have the power mine did and she didn't want to outrun her headlight. We rode for awhile, til the road kicked up again and off she went. I was fine climbing alone. I had lights, I knew there weren't any 28-effing-percent-grades and I'd get there. At the top, the Fab Four were waiting for me. They had taken a vote: I had the best lights, I should go first. And, besides, I was riding a tank. Finally, I felt like I could contribute something and pulled for a wee bit.

We climbed Cheese Factory, descended the fun part and turned onto Nicasio. We were now on the home stretch. Once I got over Red Hill, my brain shifted. Oh, I can do this. I've done this part a 1000 times. I know what's left and I can do it. May not be pretty, but I've got this. For a tad, I kept up with Sarah and Eric. At Nicasio, they rounded the bend and were just tiny red lights in the distance. I turned around, saw white lights trailing me. I love riding at night! At the turn onto Lucas Valley Road, Sarah and Eric didn't stop to regroup. Okay! I'm the weak link, Scott and Ann will catch me. If I waited , I'd be struggling to keep up. So I plodded up Lucas Valley. Frogs frogulated. Kept pedaling. Turned around. No lights. Hmm. Well, they're together. Kept pedaling. Whiff of skunk. Oh. Must be a skunk around somewhere (thinking I was in my car going 50 mph). Interesting, I thought. Til I saw this black and white creature trundling along the side of the road with its tail up. Now a skunk's maximum speed is about 10 mph. I was probably going around 8.5. I was tired and it was a mild incline. When the skunk registered, I crossed over into the other lane as far as I could, thankful for lack of traffic, and rode on, not knowing (at that moment) how fast skunks could run. Fortunately, they are not predators who chase down foe. They dig for grubs and do hand stands for defense. Still, riding the next 10 miles smelling of skunk was NOT on my agenda. Sorry, no pictures. Behind me - still, no lights. Hmmm.

Finally, the last little pitch before Big Rock Hill (the, er, top). Turned around. Saw a light. I'm doing my best caterpillar impression as Scott graciously called out how nice I was to let them catch up. Me, a wheezing caterpillar with legs like jelly after 120 miles. I said I was stopping at the top for a second and that I take this descent v-e-r-y slow. They went ahead. My light was on bright. I went slow. Hit a rock. Something hit the deck. Shit! What was it? I stopped, realized it was just food in my bento box and not my phone or wallet, and continued on. 

Scott and Ann's lights beckoned and teased me from afar. I tried to catch them. Saw Bambis on the right. Thanked them for not bolting in front of me. At last, the turn onto Galindo. I climbed that last little bump hoping to latch on. Descended towards the Safeway. They had been caught at the light. It was green. I powered forward to catch up. Just before I entered the intersection the light turned yellow - red as I crossed. I had caught up. We finished together. 

When you are chilled to the bone? Irish Coffee is the best post ride beer. Just Sayin'.